the Honeyshot blog

Blank Slate? NEW Slate....

1:07 PM

Player, CENTRAL PARK ca. 2014 © Honeyshot Photography

In a new form of personal freedom, if you will, I have found that, having the ability to come and go and do as I please is not synonymous with knowing exactly HOW to come and go and do as I please. This realization came to me first when I discovered that my children were waaaay too "busy..." or old, if I'm being honest, to join me for dinners at home or even shopping trips to the mall. They, in fact, had their very own plans with their very own friends, and thus, no time to waste haggling on curfews, which sweater to borrow or who stole the deodorant from the bathroom cabinet. Everything was relegated to text messages and absentee rule breaking. In those moments of the all-too-familiar back and forth referee-ing, lectures on life and table manners, however. I found myself fading off and wishing I were walking somewhere in TriBeCa, tripping on the Cobblestone in my 4"inch Steve Madden wedges in my haste to make it to an exciting gallery event of some sort. Yet, when I am home, alone and all is quiet, serene and dead boring, my stubborn feet refuse shoes, refuse to walk anywhere except to the inside of my cozy sheets as they rub together to get warm after a chilly bathroom break. My welcomed breaks came only when my spouse worked late, or on certain weekends, where I would bask in the luxury of Netflix binge-watching and ice cream scooping my way into a lazy evening of cereal dinners and midnight showers and discovering new music on iTunes. Hours upon hours of reading, photo editing, and giggling at Gordon Ramseys yelling insults to his next best chef or whatever was cooking....

Now, recently separated, with no elaborate dinners to cook, no holiday hosting disasters to avoid, no fights to make up for, I am left with endless amounts of time for myself (insert "the scream" inspired emoji here). What do I do? Where do I go? Who do I do it with? Literally and figuratively...lol. I have been reluctantly thrust into the reality of being exactly where I had fantasized about for, ummm, 25 years now or so, and it is terrorizing me into a frenzy. Never the social butterfly, I have always known and recently learned to appreciate my distinctively "different" personality stems from my artistically-inclined need to be alone. My time of creating, whether it was writing a poem at 3 am, recording vocals or now more prominent passion-photography, has always been my private little paradise. A little secret I would hoard like candy bunched in my pulled up skirt, I would only share a few of the good ones. My stash would usually be kept in neat little folders for my very own viewing or reading pleasure. Until now. Suddenly, the barriers of the motherly/wifely duties I set upon myself, which I allowed to keep me bottled up within me, have lifted. New questions have formed. How can I share? With whom? How do I get more involved, immersed....engulfed in all things ART in all its vast many forms? Its starting to pour out of me like a sieve and I want it to rain down as I simultaneously soak it in. An endless cycle of love, life and reinvention begins...tears and angst turns into revelations and (some) secrets spilled...maybe I'll splash around the puddle barefoot and do a little jig!

portraiture

A Session With My Self(ie)

7:27 AM

I often hear that it's hard for photographers to be on the other side of the lens. Could it be the extra tinkering that goes into setting up the scene, timing the shutter...and the all around back and forth one must do when they shoot themselves? Or could it possibly have to do with the very same reason why clients get so uneasy on the hot seat; which is-without good direction-one doesn't know how to play to the camera. Unless you're a professional model, it's not so easy to strut your stuff while staring at an inanimate piece of equipment. There has to be an understanding of what you're real purpose is before striking a pose. It's just as important as picking out an outfit for your shoot. Deciding what the intention of the shoot beforehand definitely helps keep things in perspective. For instance, boudoir clients know exactly why they schedule such a session: they want to get their sexy on. For portraits however, it's not that simple. Is it for beauty, which usually focuses on makeup, skin, jewelry, etc., or maybe a more artistic approach, which focuses on eyes, mood, emotion of the moment...

The other day, I installed some adorable and surprisingly dainty LED light strips around my vanity mirror. WHOA! I totally had a "...look at the pretty lights" moment. Can I just tell you how delicious these lights are, forming dazzling catchlights in the eyes that I hear about all the time from every photographer ever. Yes, I mostly shoot in natural light, which makes for a greatly lit scene all around. But these catchlights have me buzzing for some Alien Bees (studio strobes)! I digress...

They inspired me so immediately that I decided right then to do what I've been dreading for weeks...Self Portraits. Why is it so hard for photographers to be the subject? How can we be so confident when directing and shooting our clients and purport to instill confidence when we literally drag our own butts to strike a pose? It sort of compares to a singer who hates the sound of their own voice, or actors who refuse to watch themselves onscreen; are we so critical of ourselves? Is it a woman thing? I was awakened to a couple of things while timing and posing that I would like to share:

I can now sympathize with my clients awkwardness when trying to pose from mere verbal direction. Posing is no easy feat!
Using artificial lights is going to be an amazingly fun challenge
and most important of all......embracing and NOT turning away from seeing my self, the beauty in my flaws

Emotionally speaking, it was great seeing my frames in post. I got excited which is the exact opposite of what I was expecting. I giggled at newfound wrinkles by my eyes, the funny faces I made, and most of all-those certain little things I was always so critical about was quickly brushed off. I saw myself in a whole new light (HA!) I gained a new respect for my not-so-young self, along with appreciation of my individuality. There is only one me. That is what I want to share and bring out in my clients; to be content in their own skin and to embrace their individual beauty. Maybe, just maybe fall in love with themselves in an era where self-deprecation is as common as the morning coffee. We are ALL BEAUTIFUL in our most organic way. This session taught me that!

Technically speaking, it was fun posing in front of these gorgeous lights. I focused not on my reflection but on the catchlights. Limited to a small space behind my vanity, the set up of tripod was a task but where there is a will....Let me tell you, what a flirt! Once I got comfortable, (hmmm, about 30 frames in) I found myself twisting, turning, tilting and smizing all the way to 100-sumodd images. Maaaan, those lights sure turned ME on.

Here are some of those shots from my shoot. Happy Viewing! ;-)